what to say when someone says you're overthinking

I know its tough, but this feeling wont last forever., While you might feel at a loss for how to help, sending a text to someone whos anxious really can make a difference in how they feel. Research suggests that overthinking is associated with feelings of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I spend a lot of free time thinking about the hidden meaning behind things people say or events that occur. If they noticed I just give a, Sorry I spaced, you were saying..? And hope they keep going without asking questions. Jennifer K. I become more distant thanI usually am, stare off into space, draw blanks, stutter when someone asks me something, etc. Train your mind to release unnecessary thinking by calling it what it is. To find out what others dont realize people are doing because theyre overthinking, we consulted with the wonderful overthinkers in our mental health community. Overthinking is the biggest cause of unhappiness. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. The first thing to realize about overthinking is that it can feel an awful lot like problem solving. Research suggests that people who extend themselves such compassion are more likely to use adaptive coping strategies. Be sure to consider what you say before saying it - sometimes a little slip of the tongue can set her brain to work trying to decipher what you meant and the importance of it in the larger context of your relationship. Problem-solving involves thinking about a solution. Bonus points if you make it sound like something you were about to do anyway so that they dont feel pressured. There are people around you who will show you love if you give them the chance and even though it may not seem like that all the time somebody loves you. Studies show taking a 90-minute walk in a nature-filled environment can decrease ones inclination toward rumination[1]Bratman GN, Hamilton JP, Hahn KS, Daily GC, Gross James J. You feel super bad when you unintentionally hurt someone and you will apologize a million times. Ros H. Saying sorry when there is nothing to be sorry about. Receive the help you deserve. 2. 1. do YOU think you "overthink" things? My brain is going over 30 possibilities for one thing. If overthinking is taking a toll on your well-being, consider talking to a mental health professional. It might include reminders about quick and easy actions that increase their sense of safety and calm, Pargman says, whether it is taking a walk or engaging in a grounding exercise. If they reach out and say theyre anxious, text them back and remind them about the plan. Then say this. 1. It might be that theyre waiting for you to reach out. Instead of accepting that different outcomes are possible, you might assume that certain things will "always" or "never" happen. I promised someone two weeks ago I would seek help, but Ive been putting it off again. Do you have a low tolerance for spontaneous, unwanted thoughts? I agree to receive the Forbes Health newsletter via email. If any amount of time is spent actually learning from previous behavior and coming up with creative solutions, then it is productive. We do not offer individual medical advice, diagnosis or treatment plans. In fact, overthinking can kill the joy of dating, meeting new people and enjoying what the current moment has to offer. Studies have shown that overthinking elevates your stress levels, reduces your creativity, clouds your judgment, and strips you of your power to make decisions. If your thoughts are intrusive or highly distressing, or your tendency to ruminate is interfering with your ability to function, I recommend seeking the assistance of a mental health professional, says Dattilo. Being detail-oriented is typically a good thing, but if you're someone who tends to spend too much time on the specifics of a project, it could also be considered a weakness. Can you relate? To cope with that Ive tried to give myself the same choice and make the same decision. He is the author of The Anxious Thoughts Workbook and The Negative Thoughts Workbook. When you find yourself overthinking, challenge these thoughts. Im wondering if people at work like me or if they like the work I do. 5) Accept uncertainty. Being withdrawn and quiet, getting so caught up in making sure I heard them right and making sure I dont say anything foolish that I barely say anything or include myself in social situations unless its close family (not extended, even). Rach M. Get really quiet because I dont want to say anything wrong. Destiny V. Questioning if someone is mad at me over and over. BetterHelp makes professional therapy available anywhere through a computer, tablet, or smartphone. So eventually I end upwith so much anxiety, I dont seek the help. Ways to develop stronger interpersonal skills include: Meditation can be an excellent tool for redirecting your thoughts more positively. | Zoning out. The act of overthinking can be linked to psychological problems such as anxiety and depression, although its hard to know which happens first in each individual. Terms. What if you dont like the food, so you dont finish your plate, so you offend your friend who loves this restaurant and they never want to hang out with you again? It also communicates that theyre not the only one who might benefit from something like meditation, Potter says, because you are practicing it as well.. Recognizing these thoughts as highly implausible will . Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how you can stop dwelling in a negative mindset. Rumination: Why Do People Obsess Over Things? Do you often look for the deeper meaning or personal significance of your thoughts? Overthinking, on the other hand, involves dwelling on the problem. It occurs as an irresistible urge to analyze practically everything they think, but especially the unwanted, spontaneous thoughts that just pop into their mind. If youre not an overthinker, it can be hard to understand why seemingly simple things are just so hard for some people. While this may influence where their products or services appear on our site, it in no way affects our ratings, which are based on thorough research, solid methodologies and expert advice. If you are overthinking important issues in your life, you can get stuck in indecision, avoidance, and procrastination. What if you make the wrong decision? Anytime I think about calling for an appointment, I feel stressed. , Im indecisive. Analysis paralysis is real. So another way to validate their feelings is by acknowledging how stressful and taxing anxiety can be. Fighting obsessive and irrational thoughts with logic is one of the most effective strategies for how to stop overthinking when talking to someone. Instead of overthinking, role play it. I have notebooks and notes everywhere for everything. , we consulted with the wonderful overthinkers. I overthink about almost everything. The brain is constantly churning out all kinds of thoughts. To help support our reporting work, and to continue our ability to provide this content for free to our readers, we receive compensation from the companies that advertise on the Forbes Health site. Journaling is a helpful way to get your thoughts out of your head so theyre not overwhelming you as much. Post-Its on my fridge with the same information that is written on my wall calendar and desk calendar. , Take notes and write everything down. Like, sorry for being annoying, sorry I care so much about this, sorry I was talking too much. Brittney P. You apologize for every little thing because your mind is telling you that people are mad at you for stepping on their toes. If youre worried about pushing the wrong type of help on a friend, switch up your wording and ask what they need instead. By her own admission, Jessica was stuck in her head.. Studies have found that improving your interpersonal skills can help stop you from overthinking since these skills have a large effect on this particular habit. If you are busy yourself, seeing friends, playing sports or music, then you are much less likely to overthink. Here are 4 ways to do so: 1. Rumination: Relationships with Physical Health. Here are the three dangers of being an overthinker: 1. And then plan for all the alternatives. Pratty says one of the most effective ways of combating anxiety is to practice mindfulness. It appears you entered an invalid email. Close your eyes and try to feel your heartbeat from the inside, clasp your hands and squeeze them tight or put both feet on the floor and try to feel each point of contact, she says. For personal advice, please consult with a medical professional. Another way to connect with someone whos feeling anxious is by leading with a comment about your own anxiety or stress. Identify when you're overthinking - Sometimes it can be useful just to say it: That's overthinking. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Source: Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Ready for a few ideas? When I zone out, its when my mind plays out every possible and even some impossible situations that could happen during the days activities. Liv W. I get worried when theres an even slight change in the persons tone and start apologizing for things I mightve done wrong. Overthinking isnt the same as healthy problem-solving. 1 - Focus on what's good When you're tempted to overthink and expect bad things, instead, turn your thoughts to what is right. Overthinking can create an endless cycle of stress and worry, which can ultimately cause you to feel less prepared, motivated, and confident. Your partner can feel misunderstood. Because your mind is always telling you different stories every minute. Overthinking and worrying are mental activities, so if they start to take hold, do something physical. "This is an . Then I think of every scenario I may have annoyed them in the recent past. Rachel A. Help them come up with a plan they can turn to in their most anxious moments. Are you easily aware of what youre thinking at any given moment? I am using the term overthink to refer to an excessive tendency to monitor, evaluate, and attempt to control all types of thought.1 Overthinkers are not only highly aware of their thoughts, but they also spend a lot of time trying to understand the causes and meaning of their thoughts. Or maybe you get upset with yourself for not seeing red flags soonerbecause you believe they should have been obvious! I spend so much time trying to calculate all the pros and cons of any decision. "Someone who is experiencing anxiety may feel overwhelmed, worried, stressed, fearful, isolated, insecure, and even agitated or irritable," Myers says. Practicing mindfulness means being present in the moment and noting what you're feeling. You can also practice mindfulness in a more traditional sense, with grounding body scans. While we work hard to provide accurate and up-to-date information that we think you will find relevant, Forbes Health does not and cannot guarantee that any information provided is complete and makes no representations or warranties in connection thereto, nor to the accuracy or applicability thereof. But its also important for others to be understanding. Before you can change your thinking habits, you have to become aware of when youre overthinking. Just remember you cant speed up the process or talk someone out of anxiety. My brain is going over 30 possibilities for one thing. Like I always get the same meal at a restaurant because experience has taught me I dont regret that choice. AnaLucia P. I end up canceling plans, whether its plans with someone or plans I made for myself only, because I keep thinking something horrible is going to happen, or that the people I was supposed to hang out with hate me and just made plans with me out of pity. On top of it, I struggle with OCD, too. , I jump to conclusions. It's saying that you can't change the outcome of your past decisions, so you shouldn't waste your time or break your heart by thinking of all the things you could've done differently. And if you know it will give you more of a clear conscience and unburdened heart, it's worth it. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. And then plan for all the alternatives. Making a list or plan is more action-oriented, and that can calm our ruminating brain a bit, too, says Dattilo. Overthinking steps outside of the realm of "normalcy" when the negative and intrusive thoughts become so loud, disruptive, and upsetting that they interfere with your ability to perform everyday . Makes people feel weird and random, but probably not as weird as I feel having to say sorry without even knowing why. Marika K. I put off necessary things like medical appointments, because I overthink whether its important enough or not. On top of it, I struggle with OCD, too.". But thinking is a two-way street, says Dattilo. It might feel like youre the only one lying awake at night, dwelling on a decision you made earlier that day or worrying about tomorrows to-do list. Oops! While it may be necessary to go above and beyond for a loved one on occasion, its possible to offer comfort and support to someone whos feeling anxious, without also burning yourself out. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. You might be more or less sensitive to mistreatment from others, so it helps to get a second or third opinion. It is just my way of making sure that my own thoughts arent escaping my head. I have lists for everything! Remind yourself that your thoughts are not facts. You dont have to take every alarming thought that pops into your head as truth. The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. It shows that youre thinking about them, but not necessarily expecting a response. Im wondering if Im doing the best. Let me repeat that. Rumination can be common in people who have chronic pain and chronic illness as well, taking the form of negative thoughts about that pain and healing from it. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? It becomes consumed by the one thing you are thinking about. Start focusing on the positive things. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. Overthinking is also different than self-reflection. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life" (NLT). If you're an overthinker, you're perceived less favorably than others. The compensation we receive for those placements affects how and where advertisers offers appear on the site. 5. Or, you could always jot down a to-do list. Im just trying to work out all the details, scenarios, outcomes or options. Rachael A. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Signs of overthinking include: Overthinking can happen for several reasons. Well, there's two ways to approach this. Mara Santilli is a freelance writer and editor who covers women's health, wellness trends and topics related to health equity. Its an example of a positive affirmation, Myers says, which could help provide hope, perspective, and motivation to push through their anxiety. On the flip side, it may also increase your susceptibility to developing mental health problems. After a while, you'll begin to notice patterns and recognize overthinking triggers before they happen. All Rights Reserved. I spend so much time either dwelling on past events or worrying about the future that I often miss whats going on in the present. Our partners cannot pay us to guarantee favorable reviews of their products or servicesCombat Your Stress and Anxiety With CalmLearn the life-changing skill of meditation Exclusive music to help you focus and relaxReceive support by practicing mindfulness and being presentAudio programs taught by world-renowned mindfulness expertsAdded benefit of video lessons on mindful movement and gentle stretching Try Calm On Calm's Website. However 2. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Avoid exploding emotionally, and instead give yourself time enough to calm your immediate feelings. 8. You might try to convince yourself that thinking longer and harder helps you. Educate yourself about concepts such as cognitive distortions, maladaptive beliefs, anxiety, trust, etc. Go with what this specific person needs, knowing that there are so many different ways to provide support. This then leads to worry that you will fail the class, which will then lead to failing school, not getting a degree, and not being able to find a job. I often worry about things I have no control over. 1) Keep track of triggers and patterns A little mindfulness and attention can go a long way toward getting a grip on overthinking. Validation doesn't necessarily mean we agree with another's subjective reality.Validation simply allows another person's emotional state a space to exist. And it may get your mind focused on something more productive. This type of overthinking involves only seeing situations in black or white. Pack everything when going on a trip. If I have it all planned out, then I feel like I have more control of the outcome of the situation, even if its a bad one. This one serves as a gentle reminder that, even though it never feels like it in the moment, anxious feelings do eventually fade. You spend six hours of an eight hour work day complaining to different friends on G-Chat about this girl you brought home last night but . Asking for constant reassurance on matters that may not bother an ordinary person and also overexplaining things to people (as in giving too many details in an attempt to make sense). Hannia I. (Hint: seeking reassurance only. "I'm so sorry I never had the honor of meeting [Name].". While overthinking itself is not a mental illness, it is associated with conditions including depression, anxiety, eating disorders and substance use disorders. Why Am I Having Racing Thoughts at Night? I get lost in thoughts, stress out if theyre bad or too much, and then end up with headaches, which are also complained about. R, Zoning out. I overthink about almost everything. Soc Sci Med. Avoid doing anything that pushes you past your limits, like texting 24/7 or staying up super late. Like, sorry for being annoying, sorry I care so much about this, sorry I was talking too much. , You apologize for every little thing because your mind is telling you that people are mad at you for stepping on their toes. No matter where youre located, fresh air can do your mind plenty of good. Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. That means you have to train your brain to do otherwiseparticularly if youre overthinking at certain times, like before bed. They can help you develop the mental tools and coping skills you need to prevent overthinking. I need sleep. I also feel I would waste a doctors time with my minuscule problem, that people will think Im an attention-seeker. I did not forget the answer, my overthinking is telling me the answer has changed. Marrisa E. I ask a lot of questions. 8 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Say And What The Mean (Understanding Narcissism.) That laser focus can. Are you sensing they could use a few words of encouragement? But, when youre overthinking, you might find yourself replaying a conversation in your head repeatedly or imagining something bad happening many times. Assuming the worst and jumping to incorrect conclusions can lead to arguments and conflicts with other people. Difficulty falling asleep may contribute to more worrisome thoughts. You can even offer to do it with them, as a sign of moral support. She's contributed to Women's Health, Marie Claire, Shape, Cosmopolitan, InStyle, Refinery29, POPSUGAR, Glamour and more. If you can relate, dont forget to have compassion for yourself, and know even if youre still working on it, youre not alone. Psychological Science. 9. It's so important to remember that God knows every thought and . Refuse to permit your mind to go to the scary what-if scenarios. 5. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 17(2): 181-195. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. The Anxious Thoughts Workbook: Skills to Overcome the Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts that Drive Anxiety, Obsessions & Depression. It is helpful to skew the quality and quantity of negative thoughts to a more balanced harmony with good memories, Romanoff says. Everything. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Deciding in a split-second makes me uncomfortable, especially because during the time Im forced to choose quickly, I spend the time after my decision mulling over what could have happened instead and how I would have been happier with that other choice. Let your friend or loved one know that he or she is still in your thoughts even after a few weeks or months have passed. So eventually I end upwith so much anxiety, I dont seek the help. I have notebooks and notes everywhere for everything. Andrea S. If youre an overthinker, what would you add? 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. I mean youre ordering lunch, not negotiating a terrorist hostage situation! If youre wondering whether overthinking is a problem for you, consider the following questions based on a test I developed for The Anxious Thoughts Workbook2: If you answered yes to many of these questions, its possible you have a tendency to overthink. As Tony Robbins says, "Let fear be a counselor and not a jailor." It's time to face your fears so that you can overcome them - and use these seven ways to stop overthinking everything for good.

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