it's been 9 months since you passed away

Like Wendy D. and LB, my mom was my best friend and my constant companion (I cared for during a progressive illness that lasted several years). I cant shake images of her out of my head. Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. I would like to contact to Emma J Andrews. I struggle with everyday. There is a pretty well-accepted theory on grieving that the first year is the hardest. My friends are the best and try to understand, but until you go through it, you can never truly understand the depth of this kind of loss. Right now, this moment, put away the baggage from the past, shake yourself free from the fear of the future unknown. Forgetting them or desiring to do so is not an option. I work , but hate my job.I try to find a sense of normality. There are no words to describe the pain! We have to keep going & move forward & grieve whenever we feel like it. I still wake up in the morning thinking it's a nightmare and you're not really gone. Grieving the loss of a parent is personal. Love to all i feel your pain. But Istill had hope. What your going thru. In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. I felt silly doing it, but she probably had a point. I have family near and it helps. So, I have been praying that God tell Mike that I am sorry and that I love him and miss him soooo much! Thats when my life changed. I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. Hi everyone. Every moment where I was happy and excited was mixed with sadness and anger that my wife was not experiencing this. The holidays are going to be a struggle this year I am finding out. I know I will never be the same but hope to try to feel better with time. Not at you, but with you. ========================. Love to everyone out there. I cry all the time, my co-workers dont even ask anymore because they know. We were blessed with 4 children, who still desperately need me at ages 11, 9, 8, and 7. I want to stop feeling sadI am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. . He had the same slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5'9" body and Spartan-warrior haircut. Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too. I wasnt look for a new realationship I was coping . A week later he was so weak he was hospitalized then sent to hospice and then he was gone. He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. Its not worth the pain and the change to your self and those around you. Whoever said it gets easier with time lied or they didnt havetrue love or their soulmate like I did.. My heart is forever broken. Rest, and take care of your body and mind, and let grief do its work. I cant escape it. Id rather be home. But I still have so many questions. Mike agreed to go on another one of my adventures. At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said he was ok with what I was now doing (I wont go into details about that), but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money. So, I knew he was not mad at me only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. Well, he became my rock. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we My Father refused to talk about my Mum, I got out at age 17 & came to live in the UK. I am do sorry, please know you are not alone! Megan truly gets it. Im still waiting for that window, Glad to find this article, I was married 55 plus years to a wonderful man. Occassionally it makes me actually sick. I am 41 years old and I lost my wife and 14 year old son in a car accident 17 months ago. Oh Casey, I feel just like you. Im bipolar, which does not help. I take one step then the next then the next. The light has gone out of the world, and itll never shine again. Maybe I am just waking up to the reality that suffering is unavoidable and that pretending away death does a disservice to everyone including myself as it makes me bitter and more resentful. I have a thousand other feelings: guilt about all the I should haves, missing the tender times, missing the humor only we shared, gratitude for the wonderful man he was, etc. Yes I pray I give it to my Lord because he is in charge of all of my life and I do trust in him I always have and I always will. I am now 23 and I can assure you that the pain never goes away. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. I lost the love of my life 13 months ago, suddenly of lung fibrosis. At least in reading others words I feel that were not alone. I pray everyday for the lord to take me. For example, the function returns "4 months" between the dates 9/30/15 and 2/28/16 (even though the 28th is the last day of the month). I hate that he left so unexpectedly and I never had a chance to tell him goodbye or that I loved him so much. I am so sorry that we are all here. Valetines. My daughter is 15. Also I was told by the doctor to take time off my work to look after my husband. I miss my wife I came home from work 2018 found my wife on the bedroom floor. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. Still no cause has been found. Its little victories like that will shepherd you into what WILL be a happy future. Big hugs. My prayers are to hopefully things will get easier. I live each day knowing its going to be according to the lords plan. It has to get better it cant stay this hard always:-(. I find that even my closest friends dont want to hear how Im really feeling anymore. She battled stage 4-5 cancer for fourteen years. I rember the first few days after mums passing I thought I could hear my mums foot steps walking with me, I thought I could see zmy mum in the streets to me she was still here. Good luch everyone.. Again, thank you and bless you all. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. Our hope is in Heaven. Now, its almost at the 2 year mark. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. My spouse died suddenly also. We had problems for a while because of her addiction that she had struggle with for a few years from Pain medication and anxiety and other mental health medication. The reality of knowing that isnt going to happen is so heartbreaking. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. It is very hard to look at all these people in the face and lie with a smile on your face, telling them that youre okay.. Thank you. Losing a Brother I hear very little about. The one who had a special smile only for you, who knew your heart and soul, who really cared, and then you are alone. Everything seems meaningless. We were married since September 2004 and Re married (I should say Valentines Day 2012) She would have been 39 May 15th Now two Birthdays have past and two Mothers day. Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. I do not know what long enough means. I am taking that as progress through the storm. He left behind a 5 year old boy. I wish you all peace. By Gods help we will get through this. I feel so cheated. That is the way to go- not go on day after day in torture and remorse suffering a lonely death of your own soul. My other children are adults but they thought they lost their mom along with their brother because I was not there emotionally. Im coming up on the 2 year anniversary of his passing, I can for sure that it has not go I was in total shocked! We married at age 19. However he ended up with 3 stage ulcers . Okay, I am a big baby when it comes to being in pain. I lost my husband 4 years this September and I feel as For those 7 years since you passed away I've missed your voice, your hugs, your laugh and your face. He had lost all his motor skills but not his brain and had 2 holes in his brain. She was my heart, my everything. I finally was able to pick myself up off the floor one day not ong after that and I decided to take my life back. Remember the good times and know he would want you to live on and be happy. Patti, I once went to a counselor because I was like you constantly talking about the situation to anyone that would listen. Nothing has sidewiped me as my beloved partner partner. The fact remains I just dont know what to do most of the time. I was no longer surviving it, I was Feeling it. Key Takeaways. I am the same. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. My heart goes out to all of those who have left comments in this thread. My Bill was my soulmate, best friend, husband and the love of my life for 40 years. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Some days I still feel so depressed he was my best friend. This will never get better or easier I cant go outside. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. I still think of him every day even though I am dating a wonderful man. In year 2, Ive been thinking a lot lately about one more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. And youre right, In my mind, it feels like if I had that one more. Next month is a two year mark that I lossed my only child, my little girl. Much love everyone. I will spend it alone. I am sitting here sobbing ..reading these missives! Find those who will support you and those who do understand or have a great sense of empathy. We were together for 22 years. Home with you or where ever u. Honor wherever you are right in this moment and know that even if it feels uncomfortable, unsettling and uneasy, that its probably exactly where you need to be. What should be our 17th wedding anniversary is in two days. The pain comes in waves. I hope that all of us find a peace and it may not be till we cross to the other side and find the loves of our lives waiting there on us. So hard having had to move. Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. I have to accept this grief will never go, but I do wish it would lesson, maybe after the 2 years? I havent lived since the diagnosis last June. I found him within seconds. Ive been through Mothers Day, her birthday, funeral, favorite holiday 4th of July, and a her wedding anniversary, which would have been 11 years. It may be when we meet in the hereafter. Its still there. And usually in his favourite colours. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. Ann! He was the reason why I began to love dogs, and subsequently, embark on animal rescue work, including heading SOSD today. I still see you in my dreams on many nights and wish you never had to leave us. My 21 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and died 14 days later from a brain hemorrhage resulting from the chemo treatment. Not up and down but flat and down. I think about her every single day. What does life look like know for me is always on my mind. My mother passed 9 months after daddy after years of suffering from Alzheimers. Two hours later my daughter was wondering why Dad didnt reply all of her texts, she tried calling him many times but no answer, 45 minutes later a cop knocked on our door and told me he was in the ER, I didnt think much of it, my oldest daughter ran to the ER where he was ( we live a few feet away from the hospital) while I am taking care of my then 7 years old son. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. March 27th of this year she was placed on hospice. The only approach is to get STRONGER, so I can carry it more easily and for as long as I have to. I still am filled with sadness and feelings of not being able to go on without him. I have found the experience to be brutal, stripping, sapping, and completely devastating. Any advise? But I realised life is to short. Feel it and carry it as far as you can. I know what you are going through. Grief is a roller coaster ride that when you get off your left feeling dizzy and everything is. I dont have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. Its been a year and 5 months since I lost my husband. To survive is just being alive- I am not living. Her kindness, caring, compassion, patience and understanding are all qualities shared by my wife. One day it will be my turn. and of course my rat terrier Polly. I was absolutely devastated. I still cant believe hes gone. How does one handle it? I wish everyone the best who want to continue their struggles to go on. I buried Milo with his mammy (a little memorial box that lay at my wife hands) went together on their journey. WHY? He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. you are so right. It's been 9 months since my sweet Louisa passed away. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. Please keep me in prayer as I figure out what my nect steps are. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. Often I would repeat No, No, No to the point where it began to be so compulsive that it worried me. She was just 51 years old and bravely battled cancer for six years. ,sad, I cry for my wife married 33years happy together did every thing together ,, small cel lung cancer. The silence of my house is unbearable. My friends were there for us but- after a month or so, they go back to their own lives- and I totally get it!! But speaking for myself I had to change focus, take the focus off him and onto those left behind. I told him I didnt think I could go on without him. Stage one: denial. I am just that a misfit. I managed him somehow . Everyone he met loved him, he never raised his voice and was so caring. This is the most difficult life battle I know I will ever have to endure. Lost my wife of 35 years on 01/16/17 from early onset dementia. My friends have gone on with their own lives. I was with my husband for 50 years. If there is an afterlife then we know this life happens in the blink of an eye, soyou had might as well try to live as full a life as you can, safe in the knowledge you will be reunited. Hello, I lost my husband May 2015 suddenly and we have a small child who is now 5. I totally understand. This article is the best Ive read ever on this subject! Oh precious fellow travellers. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that. To fast forward I have met a wonderful person. yes Patricia you have said exactly what I feel. Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. I have been plotting along now for 2 years 4 months. The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. Im so sorry J. I know that feeling of panic that you might forget something and lose it forever. Though I never lied to them about all of this, theyve never seen me down. Since my mom's passing I've had four dreams about her. I can talk to them. 84 year old and try to get back to things I used to enjoy but it isnt working. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family.

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